The Botany of Self-Doubt

Doubt. Self-doubt, that is. Feelings of uncertainty — sometimes focused and gripping; sometimes vague and disquieting. But amazingly able to distract, concern, and undermine one’s confidence, morale, and excellence. At a moment’s notice. What is it about self-doubt that make us so … self-doubting?

• D as in DANGER – Simply enough, self-doubt engenders feels of impending doom. Not always, but often surely often enough. Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of shame.  Fear of … fear, mon cherie.
• O as in  OVER-MATCHED – All of this “Fear of” is one heavy-duty opponent. So no surprise that when self-doubt sets in, it can make us feel very small, UN-resourceful, UN-capable.
• U as in UBIQUITOUS – Not unlike computer spyware, when self-doubt pops up … it POPS UP!! And very quickly, it’s soon everywhere you DON’T want it to be.
• B as in BREAKABLE – Of course the worry beneath all of our self-doubt fears is the frightening possibility that we’re not be nearly as resilient as we think we were — as we hope we were — that, as we’ve always suspected, we’re fatally flawed and we’re about to become undone. Sure, we’ve avoided numerous “close calls” in the past, but is this time THE time? Is this straw about to break the camel’s back once and for all?
• T as in TIMIDITY – So it’s no surprise that when self-doubt strikes we turn dramatically inward, hoping “this too shall pass” while trying to create as little notice as possible. Hardly a Recipe for Success. Even for the smartest and most capable of people, it can be bad. If not worse.

• D as in DEFER – You know that “moment in time” that happens right when our self-doubt get triggered? Well, with practice, we can start recognizing that moment and using it as a springboard to stop, pause, breathe, and defer our immediate self-defeating reaction so that we can respond more self-supportingly and assuredly, thus teaching ourselves how to not get triggered (so much) in the first place.
• O as in  OBJECTIFY- The key, here, is to de-personalize the situation. Sure it FEELS personal, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Even just considering the possibility that it’s really NOT about you is a great start. Fans of the Matrix movie trilogy might envision this as a “slowing down the bullets.”  TV sports enthusiasts fans might relate more to it being more like a  stop-action “freeze frame” replay. Regardless, the goal is to focus less on what you feel, and more about what you simply see or hear, without a premature interpretation or judgement.
• U as in  UN-BUNDLE – “Un-bundling” is a process for considering other, less emotionally charged, explanations for what’s happening around you:
  • You know those people  asking you those challenging questions? Well maybe they’re NOT challenging you OR your competency — maybe they’re  just be trying garner some additional information about a  topic near-and-dear to them, one that they’ve got some sort of vested interest in.
  • You know that confrontational tone you’re hearing from you-know-who? Well maybe it’s NOT about you — maybe it’s  just his/her getting triggered and reacting defensively to any and all persons within shouting distance.
  • You know that  really uncomfortable new situation you’re finding yourself in? Well maybe it’s NOT about you and any of your shortcomings — maybe it’s just a legitimately unfamiliar,  new, or complex scenario that needs some figuring  out.
  • And you know that stretch assignment you’ve been given that’s making you feels so incredibly incompetent? Well maybe it’s NOT designed to expose your “fatal flaws” — maybe you were given it because you were the most qualified person to handle it … or because you just happened to be there.
• B as in  BELIEVE – So the key to all of this is believing that the world is NOT out to get you, that all that mental baggage that you find yourself carrying around is NOT always the best filter to view things through. Freeing yourself from such encumbrances is as much about believing you can as anything else. It’s about realizing that, “You know what? If things DO go terribly wrong or off-plan, I bet I CAN figure out what to do and salvage things by just trying my best and acting responsibly.” And this Botany of Self-Assuredness, as it might be called, flows increasingly cleanly when you’ve Deferred, Objectified, and Un-Bundled beforehand. Which leads us to the whole point of this blog post:
• T as in TRY – Trying really DOES yield better results. Not always. But often. It’s just that some times — oftentimes — in order TO try, we first have to figure out how to get past our self-doubt and out of our own way!

I hope this has helped you do precisely that.

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